|
|
✉ CONTACT US
We welcome all inquiries, concerns, existential crises, and desperate pleas.
Please use the form below to reach The Organization. Note that the form labels
may not correspond to the actual input fields. This is a known issue that we have
promoted to a feature. The form works. It just doesn't work the way you think.
✉ Contact Form
⚠
NOTE: The Submit button is sentient and does not wish to be clicked.
You must catch it. This is part of the screening process.
⚠
💬 Alternative Contact Methods
✉ Email
Send an email to void@not-malware.zip.
Emails are read by The Archivist, who reads all emails simultaneously
because The Archivist exists outside of sequential time.
Response time: instant (from their perspective), 3-847 business days (from yours).
|
📡 Telephone
Call (000) 000-0000. You will hear a dial tone, then silence,
then a sound that is not quite music but not quite not-music.
Stay on the line. Eventually someone will answer.
"Eventually" is doing a lot of work in that sentence.
|
💭 Telepathy
Simply think your message clearly while facing magnetic north.
If you do not know which direction is magnetic north,
The Organization will send you a compass.
You may have already received it. Check behind your left ear.
|
⚠ Important Notices
- We do not accept liability for temporal displacement caused by contacting us.
- If you receive a response before sending your message, do not be alarmed. This is a known feature of our email system.
- Smoke signals are only accepted on Tuesdays because the chimney is load-bearing on other days.
- If The Director contacts you directly, we suggest cooperating.
- Do not attempt to visit our physical location. The building moves. Not frequently, but at inconvenient times.
|
|
|