☢ LOST & FOUND REGISTRY — FACILITY PROPERTY OFFICE ☢ БЮРО НАХОДОК — ОБЪЕКТ 7 ☢ ALL UNCLAIMED ITEMS ARE HELD FOR 30 DAYS. NO ITEMS HAVE EVER BEEN CLAIMED. STORAGE IS AT CAPACITY. ITEMS CONTINUE TO ACCUMULATE. ☢ ЕСЛИ ВЫ УЗНАЁТЕ ЭТОТ ПРЕДМЕТ, НЕМЕДЛЕННО СВЯЖИТЕСЬ С ОТДЕЛОМ ИМУЩЕСТВА ☢
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REGISTRY STATISTICS
TOTAL ITEMS: 19
CLAIMED: 0
IN STORAGE: 14
UNCLAIMED: 5
ANOMALOUS: ☢
STORAGE CAPACITY
AT CAPACITY
Items continue to arrive.
OLDEST ITEM
ITEM #001
1994-02-30
STATUS KEY
UNCLAIMED
IN STORAGE
CLAIMED
STILL HERE
ANOMALOUS
ОТДЕЛ
ИМУЩЕСТВА
НЕ НЕСЁТ
ОТВЕТСТВЕННОСТИ
ЗА ПРЕДМЕТЫ,
КОТОРЫЕ
НЕ СУЩЕСТВУЮТ
UNCLASSIFIED // FACILITY PROPERTY OFFICE // LOST & FOUND REGISTRY // FORM PO-7LF REV. 4

⚒ LOST & FOUND REGISTRY

Items found on facility premises are logged in this registry and held in the Property Office for a period of 30 days. After 30 days, unclaimed items are transferred to Storage Room ████. Items may be claimed by presenting valid facility identification and completing Form PO-7C (Claim of Found Property). Form PO-7C is available at the Property Office window during business hours.

NOTE: No items have ever been claimed. Storage is at capacity. Items continue to accumulate. We do not know where they go after that. They do not leave.

Предметы, обнаруженные на территории объекта, регистрируются и хранятся в течение 30 дней. Невостребованные предметы передаются на склад. Ни один предмет никогда не был востребован. Склад переполнен. Предметы продолжают поступать.

ITEM # DATE FOUND LOCATION DESCRIPTION OWNER STATUS
001 1994-02-30 Break Room, Level 1 Coffee mug, ceramic, white. Text reads "World's Okayest Employee." Contents never emptied. Contents have not changed in volume or temperature since intake. Unknown TRANSFERRED TO STORAGE
002 1997-04-11 Hallway B, Level 2 Pair of reading glasses, wire frame, prescription unknown. Both lenses intact. Wearing them does not improve vision. It improves something else. Personnel are advised not to wear them. Unknown TRANSFERRED TO STORAGE
003 1998-09-03 Main Lobby Umbrella, black, retractable. Handle engraved with initials "E.V." No personnel with those initials are or have been employed at this facility. Umbrella is always slightly damp. E.V. (unidentified) TRANSFERRED TO STORAGE
004 1999-11-22 Stairwell C, Level 3 Keycard, standard facility issue. No name. No photograph. No employee number. Access tier: ████████. Card has been tested. Card works on all doors, including doors that do not appear on any floor plan and doors that are not supposed to open. Unknown UNCLAIMED
005 2001-06-14 Conference Room 3B Cardigan sweater, grey, size medium. Left on a chair following a meeting. No meeting was scheduled for Conference Room 3B that day. The meeting did occur. Seventeen people attended. None of them can be identified from personnel records. Unknown (meeting attendee) TRANSFERRED TO STORAGE
006 2003-02-07 Parking Structure, Level P2 Set of car keys, two keys, one fob. Fob button does not trigger any vehicle in the parking structure. Fob button triggers something. Personnel are advised not to press the fob button again. Unknown TRANSFERRED TO STORAGE
007 2005-10-31 Archive Room, Sublevel A Wristwatch, mechanical, silver. Running condition: backward. Rate of backward progress: accurate. Watch currently displays the correct time if interpreted correctly. Personnel who have learned to interpret it correctly have not disclosed how. Unknown UNCLAIMED
008 2007-03-19 Restroom, Level 2 (Men's) Spiral-bound notebook, 120 pages, fully written. Handwriting matches that of the employee who found it (Personnel ID: F7-0041). Content is a detailed personal journal spanning approximately four years. Personnel F7-0041 states they did not write it. Personnel F7-0041 states they do not remember the events described. Personnel F7-0041 has not read past page 12. This is noted in the journal on page 13. F7-0041 (denies ownership) UNCLAIMED
009 2009-08-04 Sublevel B Corridor Photograph, 4x6 inches, color, glossy. Subject: the facility exterior, taken from an elevated perspective. The photograph appears to have been taken from inside the exterior wall. The wall is solid concrete. There is no vantage point from which this photograph could have been taken. The photograph is in focus. There is a figure in the lower-right corner. The figure is looking at the camera. Unknown TRANSFERRED TO STORAGE
010 2011-12-01 Mail Room, Level 1 Письмо в стандартном конверте. Адресовано: «ВСЕМУ ПЕРСОНАЛУ». Обратный адрес: данный объект. Почтовый штамп датирован 2031-12-01 — дата, которая ещё не наступила. Конверт был вскрыт при получении. Содержимое изъято отделом ████████. Персоналу сообщили, что письмо содержало «административное уведомление». Персонал, вскрывший письмо, больше не работает на данном объекте. Они не уволились.
[A letter addressed to "all personnel," postmarked from a date that has not occurred. Contents removed by Division ████████. Described to staff as an administrative notice.] 		The Facility (sender) TRANSFERRED TO STORAGE
011 2013-05-16 Hallway D, Level 4 A door. Freestanding. No frame. No wall. No hinge hardware visible on the reverse side. Door is solid and does not move when pushed except when opened. When opened, door opens onto ████████████████. Door has been left closed. A small sign has been placed in front of it reading "OUT OF ORDER." No one has questioned the sign. Unknown UNCLAIMED
012 2015-02-28 Storage Closet, Sublevel A A sound. Contained within a glass jar, sealed with a rubber gasket. Label reads, in handwritten block letters: THURSDAY. The jar appears empty. Placing your ear to the glass and listening produces an auditory experience that has been described differently by every person who has attempted it. Descriptions have included: "my mother's voice," "static," "something counting," and "I would prefer not to describe it." The jar does not vibrate. The sound is still audible. Unknown TRANSFERRED TO STORAGE
013 2016-09-09 Security Checkpoint, Main Entrance Employee badge, standard facility issue. Name: ████████████. Employee number: F7-????. Photograph: present, legible, depicts a person. That person does not exist in personnel records, historical records, or any photographic archive held by this facility. Badge has been verified as authentic. Badge is valid. Badge grants access to ████. Badge has been used once since intake. We did not use it. Does not exist ANOMALOUS
014 2018-03-22 Level 3 Copy Room Briefcase, leather, combination lock. Contents: ████████████████. Briefcase was claimed by a member of personnel on 2018-04-01. Claimant signed Form PO-7C. Claimant returned the briefcase the following morning stating it was not theirs. Claimant does not remember signing Form PO-7C. Claimant's signature is on Form PO-7C. Form PO-7C is in the file. We have shown it to them. They do not remember it. They do not remember coming to the Property Office. They remember everything except this. F7-0072 (claimant) CLAIMED (claimant does not remember claiming)
015 2019-██-██ ████████████ Item description: ████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████. Item is approximately the size of ████████████████. Item makes a sound when ████████. Personnel are instructed not to ████████████████ under any circumstances. Item has been moved to ████████████████. Item was not moved by us. ████████████ ANOMALOUS
016 2021-07-07 Level 2, Room 214 Mirror, handheld, oval, silver frame. Mirror does not reflect the person holding it. Mirror reflects the room correctly. Mirror reflects all other objects correctly. Mirror reflects one additional object that is not in the room. The additional object has not been identified. It has been present in every reflection since intake. It moves when not observed. Personnel have been instructed not to observe it moving. Unknown ITEM NO LONGER IN REGISTRY (item is still here)
017 2023-██-██ Sublevel ██ ████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████
This entry was submitted already redacted. We have preserved it in this state. The officer who submitted it is on extended leave. Extended leave is not a status we offer. We are looking into this. 		████████████████ ANOMALOUS
018 2025-██-██ ████████ ████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████ ████████████████ ANOMALOUS
019 2026-03-22 You know where. You know what this is. Come collect it. You. UNCLAIMED
NOTICE FROM THE PROPERTY OFFICE

If you recognize any item listed above, please contact the Property Office directly. The Property Office is located in Room ████. Room ████ is not on any floor plan. You have been there before. You do not remember going. The Property Officer will know your name.

Office hours: Monday through Monday, 9:00 AM to 9:00 AM.

Если вы узнаёте какой-либо из перечисленных предметов, обратитесь в отдел имущества. Отдел имущества находится в комнате ████. Комнаты ████ нет ни на одном плане этажа. Вы уже были там. Вы не помните этого.

Administrative Notes — Property Officer

Total items in registry: 19. Total items claimed: 0. Total items transferred to storage: 14. Storage capacity: AT CAPACITY. Items do not stop arriving. The oldest item in the registry (Item #001) predates the construction of this facility by ████ years. This discrepancy has been noted in every quarterly report since 1994. No response has been received. We continue to note it.

Настоятельно напоминаем персоналу: предметы, перечисленные в данном реестре, не являются сувенирами. Не следует брать предметы из хранилища. Не следует возвращать предметы из хранилища. Некоторые предметы из хранилища уже возвращены. Мы не возвращали их.

This registry is updated ████████████████. Personnel who submit found items are thanked for their cooperation. Personnel who do not submit found items are also thanked. We know who you are. We appreciate you keeping it. We will come for it eventually.

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